I’m having so much fun with Tinder, and I find it amazing the information one refrains from when first “meeting” someone. We all do this when talking in person to others, but when you text someone, the things that you don’t say seem to stand out more.
Below are excerpts from my “conversation” with a man I “matched” with.
Matched: Two people find each other attractive
Guy: I was getting pretty porky for a bit, so I do the gym and run regularly.
Me: Yeah, I’ve been so busy working but I just started a new job, so I’ve worked out every day. (This lets the guy know that I am not super skinny, but I’m trying to at least get back in shape)
But What I really want to say: I know all about being porky! I’ve been porky, pudgy, living the muffin top lifestyle for the past year. I’ve gone up two/three dress sizes in the past year. I’m having to buy a whole new winter wardrobe, but I don’t want to buy too much because I plan on getting skinnier. I now buy my pants and leggings at Walmart because their clothing is cheap and I really do need to buy a whole new set of pants. Plus, Walmart sells a lot of stretch stuff, so I can get stuff that fits around the waist but are still tight in the legs. Plus I have a lot of debt, so I can’t afford to buy my pants at Target.
Guy: What’s your stance on margaritas?
Me: I drink them but prefer Negro Modelo, Dos XX
What I really want to say: I’ll drink margaritas if they’re free. I hate tequila, plus I had a really bad experience with it in college.
Guy: There’s a cool place down the street with Modelo and Dos XX and pulled pork nachos…If you might be up for that sometime…
Guy: I have plans tomorrow and possibly Sunday and Tuesday. I don’t know what your week is looking like.
What I really want to say: Sure, I’ll go out with you, but I hate pork. I’m a dull eater and have the taste buds of a five-year-old child. You get the pork nachos and I’ll get cheese nachos and a beer. I also hope you’re a nice guy whose not trying to hook up with me. Since you’re busy tomorrow, possibly Sunday and Tuesday, you’re obviously busy on this site and going out with a lot of women. I hope you’re not trying to bang as many of them as possible.